Sentencia Interruptus: The Texas Pause

I’ve actually never heard anyone talk about this, so it’s up to me to break the news to the world about this phenomenon. It can be a monumental problem, if you don’t know about it, understand it, and adhere to its rule. “It” is, and I believe I’ve aptly named it, Sentencia Interruptus, or commonly known (or soon will be) as the Texas Pause. Problems can arise in communications between husbands and wives, employers and their employees, teachers and students, and others, if one of the parties is unaware of this regional dialectic/linguistic idiosyncracy.

You’ve heard of never being able to get a word in edge-wise? This is similar, except untold paragraphs and unexpressed thoughts are now floating out in the universe, never to be heard from again- all because of the Texas Pause. How does this happen? Typically native Texans possess a speech pattern in which they will express a thought, pause for 3 or 4 seconds (sometimes longer) mentally preparing their concluding thought (we like to plan our conclusions for maximum effect.) Unfortunately, the other person in the conversation will jump in and start talking before the first person is finished. I know you’d never be guilty of thinking ahead about what you’re going to say, instead of listening, but that’s not the only problematic thing about this.

There are thousands of frustrated Texans who had profound things with which to conclude, who never had the chance, because someone else barged in, unaware of the Texas Pause. Can you imagine what brilliant ideas we, as a society, have probably lost as a result of this travesty of dialect? How many spouses have resorted to saying, “You never listen to me”? How many employers miss the “…and their new branch wants to order 100,000 more widgets than last month”? How many teachers pivot and point to another student while the first student to answer still had words stuck between the mind and tongue, choking on the fact that the incongruency of an incomplete thought has made them look really stupid? How many Texans have skipped dessert in a restaurant because the waiter or waitress shifted their gaze to the next patron for their order? I ask you, is this fair?

Because of the world’s ignorance of the Texas Pause, we are losing valuable thoughts, educational opportunities, industrial productivity, and cherry cobblers by the millions. Please put a stop to this madness. Tell everyone you know about the Texas Pause…………………………………. and let’s make this world a sweeter and more complete place in which to live. Pause and say “No!” to Sentencia Interruptus. Countless thoughts could be saved if you will only listen.

In October of 2005, then Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers, on national television, admitted to having the Texas Pause.

In an interview with Fox News, Miers said, “I pause, before I speak.” Sentencia Interruptus reared it’s head, once again, as she appeared to correct the interviewer. Telling someone you pause before you speak is a learned assertiveness among those with the Texas Pause. Many others may, now, come forward to admit they have this, which will foster understanding throughout the world, where there has been none, yet. That might be a good thing, considering the international ramifications of any misunderstanding, especially when there’s a Texan in the White House.

© 2005 Dianne James

 

Book Of Judas Finds Publisher; Record Wait Took 1700 Years

The Book of Judas, penned by the much maligned apostle himself, has finally found a publisher, at the end of a long search that ended at The National Geographic Society.

No, it’s not Random House or Knopf. But, hey, after a 1700-year wait, any publisher is bound to come as good news.

Now, Judas can at long last be assured that the world will know his side of the story, in which he portrays himself, as author’s are prone to do, in a much more favorable light than tradition has placed him. According to the author, while he was the apostle who betrayed Jesus, he was actually Christ’s favorite apostle and was chosen by Jesus to do the reprehensible deed, so Jesus could fulfill what he considered to be his destiny.

So, as if we didn’t have enough reconsider, now we have to reevaluate our estimate of Judas. Was he really just being Christ’s obedient assistant?

We must sympathize with the most devout adherents to the New Testament. What are they to make of Judas’s revised version of the betrayal?

We assume there will be no shortage of debate.

Nor can we, even if we wish, refuse to acknowledge that a certain reluctance to accept the new author’s version will be due to the unfortunate timing of the publication, since the hopes of the world are presently encumbered by the recent parade of people in the Middle East who seem to think that their destiny requires them to seek their own deaths.

No doubt the author would have preferred a more auspicious time for his book to appear, ideally, of course, way back when it might still have at least have had some chance of getting into The Bible.